I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
