also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
