btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
