So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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