i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
