11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I need help removing her.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
