he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
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