I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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