sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
