how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
ttyl tear gas
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
