I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
