I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize
