Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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