And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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