it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Randomize
