I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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