She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
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