I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
