What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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