My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
