I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
