I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
