You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
