I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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