My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm way too hungover for life right now
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
