what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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