This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
