Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
