drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
he fucked my hip out of place.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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