Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Come share oat with me in your robe
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
why is half of my head shaved?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
