If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
There's always time for handjobs
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
