Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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