I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
