Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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