I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Mom said you looked used
Every concussion has its silver lining
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
