I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
