Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
