Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
