I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
