There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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