headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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