I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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