So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
