Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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