I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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