I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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