i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
