even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
