I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
