I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
