White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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