i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
