My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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