walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
