So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize