i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
