come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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