my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
