Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
