There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
