I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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